Thursday, February 23, 2006

The Stanley Pimp Cup

This morning I had the rare pleasure of spending a few hours stuck in traffic behind the wheel of my wife's automobile. I find this enjoyable because I so rarely drive (subway and cycle) and it gives me a chance to buy a coffee, listen to talk radio and enjoy the positively PoPoZao-ish effects of the seat heaters. But I digress. This morning, as my hind quarters bubbled away atop their leather-clad chaffing dish, Kevin Sylvester of CBC's Olympic Report reported on the "kvetching" over the loss yesterday of the Canadian Men's Olympic Hockey team. Yes, "kvetching" over a loss in a hockey tournament. Now, I realize that if Ellis Island had been in Canada, the Great Hall would have frequently and spontainiously exploded into games of ball hockey. However, the oft-cited Canadianism that hockey is the only thing that binds a nation of immigrants together aside, Yiddish expressions and hockey go together about as well as gefiltafish and maple syrup. Until now.

Sylvester's innovation led me to thinking - why not place ethnicisms in other winter olympic contexts? "Fusion" has long been the buzzword in architecture, music and cuisine, why not the XX winter games? Thank you Kevin Sylvester, for bringing the schtetel to centre ice - look what I for one think you have started:

"Johnny Weir Muthafucka! What!"

"Gretzky, when asked about reports of divisions within the team resulting from both the Todd Burtuzzi lawsuit and his own gambling troubles responded with 'Well, there has been not just one, but a number of meshuggede growing in the dressing room.'"

"This year, the Norweigan nordic delegation has decided to compete with grillz IN."


"For our Muslim friends, Oval Lingotto comes complete with east-facing prayer rooms."

"And, finally, I will remind all competitors that throwing gang signs from the 'kiss & cry' is stictly forbidden by the ISU."

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