Wednesday, March 08, 2006

An Open Letter to the Producers of "Bonds on Bonds"

From: Alexander Churchill
To: ESPN and Tollin/Robbins Productions
CC: rob.tobias@espn.com
jmcintosh@mprm.com
vizcarra@barrybonds.com
jb@barrybonds.com

Subject: Bonds on Bonds

Wednesday, March 8 2006

This project, as you know it, is of course dead. But please, please, please, for the love of the Supreme Court tell me that you have the contractual leverage to keep the cameras rolling. There is not a syringe on earth with the necessary gauge to inject a sensible thought into BB's head; but if there were, here is the injection I would formulate:

Barry, continue filming "Bonds on Bonds" through this, your entrance into end times. Making what would be the best sports movie ever made is your only shot at redemption. It would be like capturing the precise moment that a young Pete Rose felt the rush of winning all the peanuts at poker; or putting a swing & tilt lens on the second that OJ realized that he was the only person on earth who mattered. If we could have taken those moments and set them to a Danny Elfman soundtrack, their downfalls would surely have been averted. It is not too late for you. Put your faith in film and let ESPN Original Entertainment be your salvation. The makers of "Arli$$", "Cold Pizza" and "Radio" may seem to be unlikely sponsors of your epiphany, but they have won a Peabody for a lesser-known project. Trust them, they know what they do.

Or, something along those lines. I know that any sensible idea (with at least an iteration of anything even remotely resembling truth) may not survive the toxic environment of Barry's brain (to say nothing of the long, arduous journey through his abnormally thick melon), but I think it's worth a shot. Perhaps Conte could help with the delivery of this concept. I'm guessing he's available.

Yours,

Alex Churchill

3 Comments:

Blogger Rell said...

maybe with all of the recent revelations people will appreciate Ken Griffey, Jr. now.

5:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please, please tell me that was meant as a joke.

6:10 PM  
Blogger microbano said...

It's funny... because it's TRUE!

9:43 AM  

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