Friday, January 27, 2006

Lying on Oprah

Big Jim was summoned to the Vice Principal's office yesterday, and while I didn't watch the entire thing, I did see what was posted on youtube. Painful. It reminded me of the time I forged a note from my mother with a typerwriter in grade 5 or 6 and mis-spelt her name. I then proceeded to burst into tears in front of the class. Oprah rectified the infamous Larry King call - but it begs the questions why did it take her so long and is it to her credit that it did?

Anyway, in looking at the Frey stuff on Oprah, I saw a piece she did a week ago on former Family Matters child star cum (sic) porn star Jaimee Foxworth. She was also lying on Oprah about her initiation into porn, but that is neither here nor there. What IS both here and there is the excellent reportage (live blogging just sounds so whiz bangy) that Takeitoutside did of the show. I am now a huge fan of everything Takeitoutsidebitch does. The one thing she fell down on was the facials - which I did see, but won't link to as it's more fun to find them on your own. CHEAT - Foxworth's porn name was "crave". Enjoy.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Yellow Necks


Thought the overseas content of NASCAR consisted of Copenhagen and the annoying attempts to get a race in the New York metropolitan area? Well, as the above Camry that "looks just like the one in your dealer's showroom" proves, come 2007, the more meta segments of the grandstands at Talladega are going to have to try to navigate their inbred jaws around the words "Tora! Tora! Tora!" as Toyota is launching a Nextel cup team.
Too bad they didn't think of this in the 60s, when they could have made a fiberglass mock-up of the Soviet "Zil on sushi" Toyota Crown sedan to turn left at high speed. Photoshop artists, do your best:

How to Make Snow Brown


Step 1 - Be on snow.
Step 2 - Shit your pants, as this course worker at the Women's World Cup Downhill in St. Moritz most likely did over the weekend. For some inexplicable reason, he decided to step into the course SOME time after the last racer had gone past him. Right then, Austria's Michaela Dorfmeister narrowly missed defying laws of physics by proving that a solid CAN pass through another solid as she came over a lip at 80 KPH and narrowly missed him. Lucky the only splat was fecal.

Big Jim, Big Problems, via: Gawker


The recently password protected Big Jim Industries site was made thusly due to "the enormous amount of traffic the site was getting" huh? Not very exciting. How about something a little racier? Something like "rogue agents of Al Qaida posing as fat, toupeed small-town cops, sharpie NY entertainment lawyers and rabid right wing talk show hosts were attempting to use the site as a mind-control device, attempting to lure JF fans and supporters into a nefarious world domination plot that hinged on first fucking and then eating the brains of suburban children." Now THAT's a cause Oprah can get behind.